Hello, fellow canine companion. Today, I have the most crazy and insane story to have ever graced your eyes. Just kidding. Hahahahahaha. I am actually just here to say hi. But. 

I have something to tell you. My. Owner. Is taking me. To. A. Dog Park!! I am absolutely seething with rage. For once in my life, I have considered…. biting!!!! 

You know how bad the grass is for my fur! I can’t believe the audacity of my human. This is an outrage! [angry emoji] I did NOT go to the salon this weekend only to be forced to mingle with the riffraff at the dog park. THEY ARE TOO TOUCHY and too SNIFFLY. 

My Doggie Chanel is going to wear off! My Gucci shoes are going to get all muddy! Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean diamond encrusted silk? To put it simply, it is NOT a walk in the park. 

Ugh. I hate my owner sometimes. Remember when I asked for a gaming PC setup? Yeah, my owner COMPLETELY misunderstood me and got me ANOTHER silk cushion. And you know what makes it worse? It. was. the. same. COLOR. OH THE HORROR! 

… 

Did you hear that? 

I need to go. 

My owner took the leash out.